I think that we all want to do something big in our lives, that we all want there to be something to say when asked, "what's new?" For a lot of my friends, it's "we've had a baby!" or "I got a new job!" Something good. Something big. Something positive. For me....I got nothing. Yes, I have my family and I LOVE them dearly, but I needed something to look forward to. Something to strive for. Something to make me feel like I am being a productive member of society. (I don't think my mornings of yelling at The View make me very productive, but it is work for society.)
Then I got an e-mail that one of my favorite teachers at the kid's school was diagnosed with breast cancer. And I got mad. Because it always seems that stuff like that, bad stuff, happens to good people. And as I got angry, and as I got a little sad, too, I knew I had to do something to help. Something to make a difference. Something to "stride" for.
So, after a little discussion with my husband, I have registered to walk the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer in Chicago on June 1-2nd. Me. I am going to attempt to walk 26.2 miles. You can walk up to 39.3, but lets be a little realistic, people. And I am doing it for several reasons.
1. Mrs. Sanford. Because I selfishly want her to be around for Austin to be in her classroom next year.
2. I need my "something" to motivate me.
3. Because I bet there are people reading this who think I cannot do it.
But, I do need help. Do you see that little link up on the right side that says Support Megan. Click on it. See how far I am in my fundraising. Help me get a little further. Help me to help mothers and fathers, grandmas and grandpas, and all the men and women who will get diagnosed with this disease this year. Help me to help people who are fighting this battle already, and just need a little encouragement. Help me with some encouragement, too!
This will not be easy....but I think that my "something" will be fabulous!
The story of learning to put down my fork after 33 years of being full...
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Friday, October 26, 2012
And then there was The Fray...
Because some days you just need a song like this....
Some things we don't talk about
Rather do without
And just hold the smile
Falling in and out of love
Ashamed and proud of
Together all the while
You can never say never
While we don't know when
But time and time again
Younger now than we were before
Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go
[x2]
Picture, you're the queen of everything
As far as the eye can see
Under your command
I will be your guardian
When all is crumbling
To steady your hand
You can never say never
While we don't know when
Time, time, time again
Younger now than we were before
Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go
[x2]
We're pulling apart and coming together again and again
We're growing apart but we pull it together, pull it together, together again
Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Monday, October 15, 2012
And the case of the jumpies...
So....went on a field trip today with Austin's class....a classroom full of 3 and 4 year olds...to the pumpkin farm. The Pumpkin Farm, Goebbert's, is perhaps the best pumpkin farm in the WORLD. Love it. Love it more when you get to see how excited little ones are at the animals, the pig races, and the Giant Pumpkin Eating Dinosaur.
But the funny part....well...let's start by saying that I have a FitBit. It's awesome; logs my steps, calories burned based solely on my activity, and the flights of stairs that I have climbed. For a female, it suggests clipping it on your bra, right between "the girls". I like it there...out of the way, pretty accurate, and easy to check. I put it on today because I was curious how many steps I would actually get in at the farm, and then basically forgot about it. Halfway home, on the bus, I decided to check it, and the numbers were skyrocketing. What? How could I have done 56 flights of stairs already. Oh...and there goes 57....
Well, after thinking for a minute, sitting in my seat in the back of the bus, a light bulb went off. I am bouncing up and down in my seat. The FitBit, snuggled in it's little nest, is also bouncing. OMG. My FitBit is counting my boobs bouncing as if they are going up stairs. I could have died laughing. Grand total today, 77 flights of steps! Phew....isn't that like a giant building downtown? And can I count that as my workout for the day?
But the funny part....well...let's start by saying that I have a FitBit. It's awesome; logs my steps, calories burned based solely on my activity, and the flights of stairs that I have climbed. For a female, it suggests clipping it on your bra, right between "the girls". I like it there...out of the way, pretty accurate, and easy to check. I put it on today because I was curious how many steps I would actually get in at the farm, and then basically forgot about it. Halfway home, on the bus, I decided to check it, and the numbers were skyrocketing. What? How could I have done 56 flights of stairs already. Oh...and there goes 57....
Well, after thinking for a minute, sitting in my seat in the back of the bus, a light bulb went off. I am bouncing up and down in my seat. The FitBit, snuggled in it's little nest, is also bouncing. OMG. My FitBit is counting my boobs bouncing as if they are going up stairs. I could have died laughing. Grand total today, 77 flights of steps! Phew....isn't that like a giant building downtown? And can I count that as my workout for the day?
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
and so it went...
I did it.
I went.
They looked.
I think I looked at them more.
And guess what, I wasn't as bad as I had built it up in my head! But you all already knew that.
I selected an elliptical/cross trainer as planned, picking one on the outside rather than being swallowed by the masses in the long line. I hit my stride at about 4 minutes, getting down with my bad self and the playlist that I had carefully selected. (You know, some Glee, some Michael Buble, The Fray, Howie Day, etc.)
I got to the half hour mark, where I had planned to switch to a treadmill, and I felt so good that I wanted to keep going. So I did. And when I started to feel discomfort at the 34 minutes mark, I thought about stopping, but got this whole "You can power through this" and "If it's not hard, you are not working hard enough" mentality. Where the @#(&@ did that come from? At 40 minutes, I really couldn't take it anymore, and switched to the treadmill for a 10 minute cool down (of PAIN).
I think I pulled a "groin muscle". Great job, Megan. I can take about 25 steps without being in pain. So I am making those 25 steps count. There are 27 between my computer and the bedroom. There are only 8 between my bed and my bathroom.
But that doesn't mean I am giving myself the day off tomorrow. I plan on doing arms in the morning with the machines so that I don't already break the habit of going.
Geesh...and I thought people looking at me was going to be the worst thing that happened....
I went.
They looked.
I think I looked at them more.
And guess what, I wasn't as bad as I had built it up in my head! But you all already knew that.
I selected an elliptical/cross trainer as planned, picking one on the outside rather than being swallowed by the masses in the long line. I hit my stride at about 4 minutes, getting down with my bad self and the playlist that I had carefully selected. (You know, some Glee, some Michael Buble, The Fray, Howie Day, etc.)
I got to the half hour mark, where I had planned to switch to a treadmill, and I felt so good that I wanted to keep going. So I did. And when I started to feel discomfort at the 34 minutes mark, I thought about stopping, but got this whole "You can power through this" and "If it's not hard, you are not working hard enough" mentality. Where the @#(&@ did that come from? At 40 minutes, I really couldn't take it anymore, and switched to the treadmill for a 10 minute cool down (of PAIN).
I think I pulled a "groin muscle". Great job, Megan. I can take about 25 steps without being in pain. So I am making those 25 steps count. There are 27 between my computer and the bedroom. There are only 8 between my bed and my bathroom.
But that doesn't mean I am giving myself the day off tomorrow. I plan on doing arms in the morning with the machines so that I don't already break the habit of going.
Geesh...and I thought people looking at me was going to be the worst thing that happened....
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
The Gym (dum dum dUM!!!!)
So, here's the deal. I like food. I like it a lot. A WHOLE lot. Which is one of the reasons that I selected the band over other weight-loss surgeries...because I am not AS limited in the foods I can eat. I can still have apple pie (per previous post), I can have a cheeseburger (small one), and I can even splurge on 5 Guys french fries every once in a while.
But what I hate, and I mean HATE like it's another four-letter word, is exercise. Well, let me clarify. I don't mind walking by myself somewhere with my iShuffle, but there always seems to be other things that come up when I am supposed to be doing that. (You know, the dishes need to be done, laundry to be folded, the dog wants to snuggle). I don't mind the elliptical, but it's usually in a gym with...brace yourself...people. I know, right. And here's the other thing, these "people" are usually skinny. Or at least in better shape than I am. And they look. They stare. I can only imagine what they are thinking in their heads. While I know that people will say back to me "They are probably thinking that you are staring at them", OF COURSE I AM! They are skinny! (definition of skinny = anything/one that weighs less than me). But I know that I need to overcome, or at least work with this fear, if I want to reach my goals.
Because I am not. Reaching my goals, that is. Really, I should be about 20 pounds lighter than I am right now. It was a hard, sucky-ass summer and a lot went down that you don't want to know about and I fell off my course. So I have some catching up to do. And I can do it. I re-joined Weight Watchers online this week to keep track of what I am eating and to make sure I am eating the right things. (PS... frustrated that avocado is not a "free" fruit or vegetable...that should be rethought.)
And today was the gym day. Before I was using the little gym in my community that had 2 ellipticals and 5 treadmills and I had to fight the local senior citizens for them. Not working. So, I put my big girl pants on this morning (literally) and went to join.....L.A. Fitness. Uggg. A big kid's gym. It's HUGE. (The one in Mount Prospect for all local peeps.) Joe, who was nice enough to show me around and tell me all about how L.A. Fitness can help me, assured me that people are so concentrated on their own workouts here that they hardly talk to others let alone make snippy gossip. I think that I could handle snippy gossip (I am always ready with a good Yo Momma joke), it's the quiet perceived comments that kill me.
I HAVE to get over that....HAVE to....I know stepping up the exercise is what's gonna take me to that next level, and I want to get there (besides, 20 pounds is another size and a half, and I would love to be that before the holidays). So, I will start tomorrow. I will drop the kids off at school, and use this time of unemployment to pay a little more attention to myself during the day and push myself a little harder....and believe you me.....I will report back on everyone who gives me a nasty look.
But what I hate, and I mean HATE like it's another four-letter word, is exercise. Well, let me clarify. I don't mind walking by myself somewhere with my iShuffle, but there always seems to be other things that come up when I am supposed to be doing that. (You know, the dishes need to be done, laundry to be folded, the dog wants to snuggle). I don't mind the elliptical, but it's usually in a gym with...brace yourself...people. I know, right. And here's the other thing, these "people" are usually skinny. Or at least in better shape than I am. And they look. They stare. I can only imagine what they are thinking in their heads. While I know that people will say back to me "They are probably thinking that you are staring at them", OF COURSE I AM! They are skinny! (definition of skinny = anything/one that weighs less than me). But I know that I need to overcome, or at least work with this fear, if I want to reach my goals.
Because I am not. Reaching my goals, that is. Really, I should be about 20 pounds lighter than I am right now. It was a hard, sucky-ass summer and a lot went down that you don't want to know about and I fell off my course. So I have some catching up to do. And I can do it. I re-joined Weight Watchers online this week to keep track of what I am eating and to make sure I am eating the right things. (PS... frustrated that avocado is not a "free" fruit or vegetable...that should be rethought.)
And today was the gym day. Before I was using the little gym in my community that had 2 ellipticals and 5 treadmills and I had to fight the local senior citizens for them. Not working. So, I put my big girl pants on this morning (literally) and went to join.....L.A. Fitness. Uggg. A big kid's gym. It's HUGE. (The one in Mount Prospect for all local peeps.) Joe, who was nice enough to show me around and tell me all about how L.A. Fitness can help me, assured me that people are so concentrated on their own workouts here that they hardly talk to others let alone make snippy gossip. I think that I could handle snippy gossip (I am always ready with a good Yo Momma joke), it's the quiet perceived comments that kill me.
I HAVE to get over that....HAVE to....I know stepping up the exercise is what's gonna take me to that next level, and I want to get there (besides, 20 pounds is another size and a half, and I would love to be that before the holidays). So, I will start tomorrow. I will drop the kids off at school, and use this time of unemployment to pay a little more attention to myself during the day and push myself a little harder....and believe you me.....I will report back on everyone who gives me a nasty look.
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Apple Pie
I like a apple pie. A whole lot. And today it won the battle. Tomorrow I will win as the pie is now all gone. I also have a HUGE post on pressure of weight loss that I am writing in my head and will get down soon...
That's all I got for today.
That's all I got for today.
Thursday, October 4, 2012
On my honor....
OK, so raise your hand if you were a Girl Scout/Boy Scout...go ahead, don't be shy! I was in Brownies and Junior Scouts when I was younger, and really wanted my girls to have those same experiences...so guess who signed up to be the Daisy leader...that's right...yours truly!
So last night was our first meeting....eight 1st graders and me. 8 little balls of energy and short attention spans and giggles and somersaults. Let's just say that after the hour long meeting, I want to give all teachers a raise. I quickly figured out that the best way to do "crowd control" is to keep things moving quickly, give short specific directions, and arts and crafts with busy hands makes for quiet mouths!!!!
But what I enjoyed the most was their eagerness to learn, the smiles on their faces as they learned new songs and finger plays, and how when we all stood in the friendship circle and did the Girl Scout hand squeeze, they closed their eyes and made wishes....it was so sweet.
Friday, September 28, 2012
35 things I love....
Since today I am 35 (hurray!) I thought I would post 35 things I love...in no particular order....
1. My Husband
2. Lilli
3. Abbi
4. Austin
5. My family
6. Mia, my dog
7. God (should I have listed him earlier?)
8. Cupcakes
9. Walking on a chilly, sunny day
10. Microfleece blankets
11. My job at Torrid
12. My new black biker boots...they make me look "bad-ass"
13. Snuggling with the kids (the exception is when it is at 2AM)
14. Singing Christmas songs...all year round
15. Dark Chocolate
16. Milk Chocolate
17. Diet Coke
18. The Brookfield Zoo
19. Make A Messterpiece
20. Candles that smell like Apple Pies
21. Apple Pies themselves...especially if they have that crumbly topping
22. McDouble
23. A clean house...better if I don't have to clean it
24. Daisy Scouts
25. Beans, the cat
26. Diet Coke....it bears repeating
27. Patrick Dempsey
28. Glee
29. 50 Shades of Grey....come on...you know you love it, too
30. My Nook
31. My lap band
32. Crab Legs
33. Red Lobster Cheddar Bay Biscuits
34. My Blog
35. Myself....at least I am working on it....
1. My Husband
2. Lilli
3. Abbi
4. Austin
5. My family
6. Mia, my dog
7. God (should I have listed him earlier?)
8. Cupcakes
9. Walking on a chilly, sunny day
10. Microfleece blankets
11. My job at Torrid
12. My new black biker boots...they make me look "bad-ass"
13. Snuggling with the kids (the exception is when it is at 2AM)
14. Singing Christmas songs...all year round
15. Dark Chocolate
16. Milk Chocolate
17. Diet Coke
18. The Brookfield Zoo
19. Make A Messterpiece
20. Candles that smell like Apple Pies
21. Apple Pies themselves...especially if they have that crumbly topping
22. McDouble
23. A clean house...better if I don't have to clean it
24. Daisy Scouts
25. Beans, the cat
26. Diet Coke....it bears repeating
27. Patrick Dempsey
28. Glee
29. 50 Shades of Grey....come on...you know you love it, too
30. My Nook
31. My lap band
32. Crab Legs
33. Red Lobster Cheddar Bay Biscuits
34. My Blog
35. Myself....at least I am working on it....
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Searching for a song
I love music. I heart music. When I cannot express what I am feeling in words, it is often a song that I will turn to to get the message across. Today, however, I am at a loss.
I cannot find a song. I have tried Hootie, Counting Crows, Evanescence, even Barry Manilow and Elton John....and I just come up blank.
So I ask you....what's your go to I-am-not-in-the-best-place-and-want-to-feel-better song?
I cannot find a song. I have tried Hootie, Counting Crows, Evanescence, even Barry Manilow and Elton John....and I just come up blank.
So I ask you....what's your go to I-am-not-in-the-best-place-and-want-to-feel-better song?
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Binging, Breaking promises, and fixing Broken
The three "B"'s....Binging, Breaking, Broken.....just like the name of my website....three Big B's that I have allowed to prevent me from my journey....three B's that I own as my personal shortcoming.... three B's that I strive to correct so that I can move on...
B number 1....binging....ok. I am sure that we have all done it. It's not pleasant, it's dirty, messy, and leaves you feeling like crap. I think that I have always been an emotional binge eater, choosing to ignore my feelings and instead "eat them". The band has prevented this to some extent; I can only binge in small portions. But if I elect to put a McDouble in my stomach over a protein shake, and then later that day eat some cake instead of a salad, well, it all adds up in the end. I am GRATEFUL, however, for the band as I have still lost weight while "binging".... but just don't feel really good about the process...
B number 2 ..... breaking promises to myself, to my husband, to my kids that this was the time that I was going to get healthy. I think, I really think, that I thought the band was going to be some magical tool that was just going to make me shrink dramatically, and (while I have already said it) I HAVE still lost weight and inches, I know that I could be so much further along this journey if I hadn't hit this rough patch. But, then it wouldn't be a journey, right? I have learned a lot over these past 3 months that I have been missing...what makes me feel good after eating, what makes me feel crappy, what exercise works for me, what things don't.....now is just the time to apply it...
B number 3 .... I am broken...most of us are...and now it's time to fix that. Time to recommit to the promise that I made on April 23rd when I cried as the sleeping drugs began to take effect, knowing that my life was about to change....Time to start believing in myself again and shaking off those who attempt to make my self-strength warble....Time to really see what this band can do....
The end. (for now)
B number 1....binging....ok. I am sure that we have all done it. It's not pleasant, it's dirty, messy, and leaves you feeling like crap. I think that I have always been an emotional binge eater, choosing to ignore my feelings and instead "eat them". The band has prevented this to some extent; I can only binge in small portions. But if I elect to put a McDouble in my stomach over a protein shake, and then later that day eat some cake instead of a salad, well, it all adds up in the end. I am GRATEFUL, however, for the band as I have still lost weight while "binging".... but just don't feel really good about the process...
B number 2 ..... breaking promises to myself, to my husband, to my kids that this was the time that I was going to get healthy. I think, I really think, that I thought the band was going to be some magical tool that was just going to make me shrink dramatically, and (while I have already said it) I HAVE still lost weight and inches, I know that I could be so much further along this journey if I hadn't hit this rough patch. But, then it wouldn't be a journey, right? I have learned a lot over these past 3 months that I have been missing...what makes me feel good after eating, what makes me feel crappy, what exercise works for me, what things don't.....now is just the time to apply it...
B number 3 .... I am broken...most of us are...and now it's time to fix that. Time to recommit to the promise that I made on April 23rd when I cried as the sleeping drugs began to take effect, knowing that my life was about to change....Time to start believing in myself again and shaking off those who attempt to make my self-strength warble....Time to really see what this band can do....
The end. (for now)
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Shuffling back in....
a rough few months....posted many blogs in my head...think I will have the big one ready tonight or tomorrow...but I am still alive!
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
I'd rather walk
Soooo.....I get now why I don't see bigger people running....cause I just don't think that it's possible.
In the midst of my sleep issues and getting up before the sun does...I have decided to start walking around 5AM before my husband leaves for work, just a few times a week...not giving up my elliptical and treadmill time at the gym...but it's nice to get out in the fresh air as well. Since I signed myself up for this 5K run September, I figured I should start running... Ha. HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA. Yup. That funny. I stretched. Like a pro. Got my shoes on. Like pro. Put my ear buds in. Like pro. Put Eye of the Tiger on Like a pro. Started to jog. Like a pro. Got 4 houses. Said...O M G, Fat people should not run. And stopped. Well, I didn't really stop, I walked. Thought maybe I just needed to catch my breath. Gave myself a goal of that lamppost up there to start again. Thought about the eye of the tiger. Started again. Made it to the next lamppost. F the eye of the tiger. The tiger is DEAD. Tried ONE MORE TIME. Drive way to two driveways down. Made it, but barely. Walked the next three and a half miles yelling at myself...Really, Megan....really? You can't run more than 1/4 a block? And suburban blocks, at that? And then I thought....Nope...I can't...not on day one...but you know what....on day 4...maybe day 6...I bet I will be able to...maybe it will take until day 14....but I won't know until I try it. And, Miss Megan, after that you walked 3.5 FRAKEN MILES! Give yourself a break!
The End.
PS. Frak is a new word in our house. It's like Frank, but without the N.
In the midst of my sleep issues and getting up before the sun does...I have decided to start walking around 5AM before my husband leaves for work, just a few times a week...not giving up my elliptical and treadmill time at the gym...but it's nice to get out in the fresh air as well. Since I signed myself up for this 5K run September, I figured I should start running... Ha. HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA. Yup. That funny. I stretched. Like a pro. Got my shoes on. Like pro. Put my ear buds in. Like pro. Put Eye of the Tiger on Like a pro. Started to jog. Like a pro. Got 4 houses. Said...O M G, Fat people should not run. And stopped. Well, I didn't really stop, I walked. Thought maybe I just needed to catch my breath. Gave myself a goal of that lamppost up there to start again. Thought about the eye of the tiger. Started again. Made it to the next lamppost. F the eye of the tiger. The tiger is DEAD. Tried ONE MORE TIME. Drive way to two driveways down. Made it, but barely. Walked the next three and a half miles yelling at myself...Really, Megan....really? You can't run more than 1/4 a block? And suburban blocks, at that? And then I thought....Nope...I can't...not on day one...but you know what....on day 4...maybe day 6...I bet I will be able to...maybe it will take until day 14....but I won't know until I try it. And, Miss Megan, after that you walked 3.5 FRAKEN MILES! Give yourself a break!
The End.
PS. Frak is a new word in our house. It's like Frank, but without the N.
Monday, June 11, 2012
Eating SUCKS
Yeah, that really came out of my mouth....eating right now sucks....
Since my doctor told my husband and I that I need to be on more solid food...my stomach has NOT been please with that any of this, and, to be fully honest, the gas is KILLING me....so I am looking to my "older" bandsters for helpful tips and tricks....what helped you out...what solid foods do you like the most that cause the least problems....especially vegetables and whole grains?
Since my doctor told my husband and I that I need to be on more solid food...my stomach has NOT been please with that any of this, and, to be fully honest, the gas is KILLING me....so I am looking to my "older" bandsters for helpful tips and tricks....what helped you out...what solid foods do you like the most that cause the least problems....especially vegetables and whole grains?
Sunday, June 10, 2012
What is that?
I think I see a little teeny tiny muscle in my arm. I can feel it...but I think I can actually see it.....i must be from Just Dance....which, by the way, I don't know why they can call it that since it is ALL ARMS!
The end. Happy (hot) Sunday. Today's high is 91. We will be doing all we can to stay inside.
The end. For reals.
The end. Happy (hot) Sunday. Today's high is 91. We will be doing all we can to stay inside.
The end. For reals.
Saturday, June 9, 2012
I missed it AGAIN?!?!?!?
How did I miss Ten Things Thursday AGAIN!
1. I am really bad at telling dates.
2. I signed up for my first 5K run on September 23rd as an early birthday present for myself (which is September 28th).
3. My husband and I are in the process of looking to swap my Scion xB to another mini-van....yes, that will make us a two mini-van family.....go suburban life!
4. Salads, after not eating vegetables for 10 weeks plus, makes your tumbly more than a little rumbly...
5. I am VERY proud of my efforts at the gym this week....I am easily hitting 3000 strides on the elliptical in less than 45 minutes, so time to either up the strides or lower the time....thinking of making it 4000 strides in 45 minutes....
6. Also, along same lines, been "this close" to hitting my stretch goal of 15,000 steps per day. I KNOW....who is this girl and where did she come from?!?!?!?!?
7. Now that my doctor has given the the thumbs up for protein bars, I LOVE Zone Perfect Chocolate Almond Raisin....I should always listen to Amanda as she always knows best.
8. I think that my Dr. FINALLY has gotten the sleep meds right and I am getting between 6-8 hours a night and doing much better during the day. Can I get a Wooot-Woot!
9. I am also meeting my personal goal and I have not self-weighed in 5 days......
10. I am more and more convinced every day that this was the right choice for me.....
The end....
1. I am really bad at telling dates.
2. I signed up for my first 5K run on September 23rd as an early birthday present for myself (which is September 28th).
3. My husband and I are in the process of looking to swap my Scion xB to another mini-van....yes, that will make us a two mini-van family.....go suburban life!
4. Salads, after not eating vegetables for 10 weeks plus, makes your tumbly more than a little rumbly...
5. I am VERY proud of my efforts at the gym this week....I am easily hitting 3000 strides on the elliptical in less than 45 minutes, so time to either up the strides or lower the time....thinking of making it 4000 strides in 45 minutes....
6. Also, along same lines, been "this close" to hitting my stretch goal of 15,000 steps per day. I KNOW....who is this girl and where did she come from?!?!?!?!?
7. Now that my doctor has given the the thumbs up for protein bars, I LOVE Zone Perfect Chocolate Almond Raisin....I should always listen to Amanda as she always knows best.
8. I think that my Dr. FINALLY has gotten the sleep meds right and I am getting between 6-8 hours a night and doing much better during the day. Can I get a Wooot-Woot!
9. I am also meeting my personal goal and I have not self-weighed in 5 days......
10. I am more and more convinced every day that this was the right choice for me.....
The end....
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
"No Fill For You, Six Week!"
Dr. R ~ You are right on target for weight loss...
Me ~ That's great. I thought I should be a little higher in weight loss.
Dr. R ~ Nope. You lost a lot right a way, and 6 pounds the second month without restriction is really good. How are you doing with solid foods?
Me ~ Umm....uh....well....do you consider the curds of cottage cheese solids?
Dr. R ~ You have to start eating solid foods. Like fruits and vegetables and non-shredded meats to teach your stomach to re-process those foods again. How often are you working out?
Me ~ 5-6 days a week.
Dr. R ~ Then you are not getting a fill today. You are on track and with you just eating soft foods, you don't need a fill. Come back in six weeks, eating solid foods, and we will see how your progress is going then.
UGGGGGGGGGG....... this was after waiting over an hour for the appointment...so I had a small salad for dinner and my stomach aches as it is digesting it. I played a little "Just Dance 3" and walked around Wal*Mart to aid in digestion...but I am so frustrated...I am personally not happy with the 6 pounds in a month...and yes, yes, yes, I know....6 pounds off is better than 6 pounds on and it took me longer than a month to put it on than it is going to take to off and 1 pound at a time (feel free to add your own here)....but I would like them all gone now...or at least by the time I wake up tomorrow....Thanks...
PS....Just Dance 3 and all it's counterparts....ADDICTING....where were these when I was a thespian in high school? Cast parties with the ABBA version would have been THAT much better...
Me ~ That's great. I thought I should be a little higher in weight loss.
Dr. R ~ Nope. You lost a lot right a way, and 6 pounds the second month without restriction is really good. How are you doing with solid foods?
Me ~ Umm....uh....well....do you consider the curds of cottage cheese solids?
Dr. R ~ You have to start eating solid foods. Like fruits and vegetables and non-shredded meats to teach your stomach to re-process those foods again. How often are you working out?
Me ~ 5-6 days a week.
Dr. R ~ Then you are not getting a fill today. You are on track and with you just eating soft foods, you don't need a fill. Come back in six weeks, eating solid foods, and we will see how your progress is going then.
UGGGGGGGGGG....... this was after waiting over an hour for the appointment...so I had a small salad for dinner and my stomach aches as it is digesting it. I played a little "Just Dance 3" and walked around Wal*Mart to aid in digestion...but I am so frustrated...I am personally not happy with the 6 pounds in a month...and yes, yes, yes, I know....6 pounds off is better than 6 pounds on and it took me longer than a month to put it on than it is going to take to off and 1 pound at a time (feel free to add your own here)....but I would like them all gone now...or at least by the time I wake up tomorrow....Thanks...
PS....Just Dance 3 and all it's counterparts....ADDICTING....where were these when I was a thespian in high school? Cast parties with the ABBA version would have been THAT much better...
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Did you find your mom at the zoo?
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This morning I went to the support group for lap band after caer, and I was the "youngest" bandester there....everyone else had had their band for 6 months or more. I was a little shocked to hear how negative and/or passive they were with the process, heck, there was even a gentleman there drinking a McDonalds SweetTea with a straw. Both of which a big no-no.It just seemed that they had gotten very compliant with the program and they agreed it was impacting weight loss. It gives me something to look forward to to make sure it does NOT happen to me. I did participate a little, especially since it was Dr. Crain that was running the group and I feel comfortable with him, and he said right from the start since I was new he wasn't going to put me on the spot so I felt like that too a lot of the pressure off.
I did force myself to so work out afterwards....if only for a wimpy 40 minutes and not pushing very hard. I still wanted to get that feeling of being there and being present....I know that that is the only way that I am going to get comfortable with the process.
After that we agreed, with Jim's Mom, to take the kids to Azoosment Park in Dundee. The tickets go down to half price after 4PM, and that still allows you 3 hours, which I knew would be more than enough for my kids...and we were ready to go by 6:30PM. Smart Momma.....but they had a good time running from ride to ride...and the weather was great, it wasn't crowded, we packed just enough snacks and drinks, and a great time was had by all.....Lilli (purple shirt) fell asleep in the car on the way home and Abbi and Austin did not object to baths and bed tonight either! Parental Win! Then Jim and I were able to (cough cough) enjoy our night and get to bed at a decent hour! Double Win!!!!
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Gonna sound like Charlotte here...but....
I am off to find myself a meeting.... (you would get this if you watch Private Practice)
The center that where I got my surgery done does monthly meetings for us bandsters to...well...I am not really sure what they are for since this will be my first one...but I really like the group leader so I figure that it can't be that bad right? Do any of you have groups like this that you use? I have read other bloggers who use OA meetings as support....After that....it's a stop at the gym, then maybe some more Just Dance on the Wii with the kids...I honestly tried to upload it....but the only one I could get to work on You Tube was a 52 second clip that doesn't show a whole lot....and I can't get that to work....so if you really want to see it....go here
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jKerIwfZG7Y
Anyway.....I will write again later and let you all know how the meeting went....that is...if there isn't same pagan initiation ceremony and they allow me to come back in one piece.
The center that where I got my surgery done does monthly meetings for us bandsters to...well...I am not really sure what they are for since this will be my first one...but I really like the group leader so I figure that it can't be that bad right? Do any of you have groups like this that you use? I have read other bloggers who use OA meetings as support....After that....it's a stop at the gym, then maybe some more Just Dance on the Wii with the kids...I honestly tried to upload it....but the only one I could get to work on You Tube was a 52 second clip that doesn't show a whole lot....and I can't get that to work....so if you really want to see it....go here
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jKerIwfZG7Y
Anyway.....I will write again later and let you all know how the meeting went....that is...if there isn't same pagan initiation ceremony and they allow me to come back in one piece.
Bring Your Own Crazy
It’s Bring Your Own Crazy time! Brought to us by the Phenomenal Draz!
Copy and paste the button above to your own BYOC and join us! We answer 5 questions to get to know each other better and to give our blogging brains a break.
1. Are you a daily purse switcher, an often purse buyer or a one purse kind of woman? What factors influence your purse buying?
I am a 3-4 times a year purse person....and I don't have strict requirements, it just has to catch my eye and have a strap long enough to fight over arm fat. Oh, and like it to have some weigh to it as I don't out a ton of stuff in it already, and don't like flimsy purses...
2. What’s your favorite board game?
Hmmm...if I had pick a game with a board.....probably scrabble....but if I could think outsider the book, then it would totally be Phase 10.....a quick moving bard game known to be played for hours around here....I mean hours...
3. Are you a sore loser who throws fits or a gracious winner? Are you competitive?
I am a gracious winner, and we just talked about this last night! I would rather work at beating myself, (and not in that way (Dirty Bird) than being ubber competitive. I am happy when other people win, too!
4. Tell us something you are afraid of that is a physical item…like spiders, deep water, heights, snakes, thunderstorms, first dates, childbirth, etc.
I don't think first dates are a physical items, but my big fear in this category work be heights.....because pretty sure that it would hurt if you feel from a heights....
5. Repeat question: Summarize your week
This week was a challenge, but I am working on pulling through it. My therapist is having me do some art therapy, and i HEART it....to the point that it is all I want to do.....I can feel a lot of the improvements in my body the week and when I had a doctor's appointment this week I was able to see the difference on the scale (wooohoo).....gotta keep trucking on....
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| Jim, Abigai, and Me at her PreSchool Graduation.... |
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| This was 5 years before...she is the sleeps one on her baptism...long days, short years |
Thursday, May 31, 2012
TTT
1. I do NOT have a flesh eating bacteria on my hand...PHEW...it's eczema...and you cannot catch that through a computer screen.
2. I won the battle of the brownie.....I had a rough day yesterday and when I got home from the city, I wanted to eat the whole pan, but instead put on my gym shoes and took it out on an elliptical at the gym....and it felt pretty darn good!
3. Tomorrow, Abigail will graduate from Preschool and on Tuesday Lilli graduates from Kindergarten and I am crying already.....but don't tell anyone. Last night I read them a story before bed about how my love for them goes everywhere that they do and I had to stop about eleventy billion times to "cough".....what's gonna happen when they graduate from 8th, high school, college, or, God forbid, get married?
4. My doctor said my numb finger tips could be from too much typing. Me? Spending excessive amounts of time on the computer? Nooooo......
5. I have figure out that if I reduce the amount of milk in my protein shakes that I get a really thick consistency and I can try and trick my mind into thinking it's melting ice cream....(I use a LOT of frozen fruit with my shakes)
6. I am a totally computer nerd and love making Excel spreadsheets...I have our whole summer schedule on an Excel sheet...camps and all...
7. I bought the CUTEST frog earrings at Target the other day and have been building outfits so I can wear them as much as possible.
8. Lifehouse's Broken and Laura Story's Blessings are on my iTunes non-stop....followed my Pump Up The Jam and Dance To The Music....got mix it up...
9. It's raining....and I L.O.V.E. rainy days. I think I am going to pack my umbrella and still go walk at the Chicago Botanical Gardens...
10. I feel bad that it is raining because it is Lilli's zoo field trip that the Kindergartners look forward to all year...
11. I hate following directions...
2. I won the battle of the brownie.....I had a rough day yesterday and when I got home from the city, I wanted to eat the whole pan, but instead put on my gym shoes and took it out on an elliptical at the gym....and it felt pretty darn good!
3. Tomorrow, Abigail will graduate from Preschool and on Tuesday Lilli graduates from Kindergarten and I am crying already.....but don't tell anyone. Last night I read them a story before bed about how my love for them goes everywhere that they do and I had to stop about eleventy billion times to "cough".....what's gonna happen when they graduate from 8th, high school, college, or, God forbid, get married?
4. My doctor said my numb finger tips could be from too much typing. Me? Spending excessive amounts of time on the computer? Nooooo......
5. I have figure out that if I reduce the amount of milk in my protein shakes that I get a really thick consistency and I can try and trick my mind into thinking it's melting ice cream....(I use a LOT of frozen fruit with my shakes)
6. I am a totally computer nerd and love making Excel spreadsheets...I have our whole summer schedule on an Excel sheet...camps and all...
7. I bought the CUTEST frog earrings at Target the other day and have been building outfits so I can wear them as much as possible.
8. Lifehouse's Broken and Laura Story's Blessings are on my iTunes non-stop....followed my Pump Up The Jam and Dance To The Music....got mix it up...
9. It's raining....and I L.O.V.E. rainy days. I think I am going to pack my umbrella and still go walk at the Chicago Botanical Gardens...
10. I feel bad that it is raining because it is Lilli's zoo field trip that the Kindergartners look forward to all year...
11. I hate following directions...
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Welcome to the Gun Show!!!!!
NSV!
So, we have a lawn mower that is older than dirt, and the pull start on that thing fights back like a...like a word that I shouldn't type here but rhymes with witch and itch.
Tonight I had planned to go to the gym...didn't make it this morning after the DirectTV window of service time of 8AM to 12PM, but 3 kids running around the house like looney-toons made that next to impossible, so I decided to just mow our lawn and our neighbors, and that would be good for at least 4000 steps, and well over 30 minutes, but I would have to get Jim to start the darn thing. He filled it with gas, checked the oil; I put on the gloves like a race-car driver, pulled the squeeze bar do-hickey, and jokingly pulled the yank chain once...
Nothing. Surprise.
I stretched my arm a little, prepping it.
I pulled again, harder this time.
Shut. The. Front. Door.
It started!
Welcome to the Gun Show, everyone! Check out these guns!
Maybe this surgery and exercise and taking care of myself thing is really working. But don't tell anyone that I am admitting to that....
So, we have a lawn mower that is older than dirt, and the pull start on that thing fights back like a...like a word that I shouldn't type here but rhymes with witch and itch.
Tonight I had planned to go to the gym...didn't make it this morning after the DirectTV window of service time of 8AM to 12PM, but 3 kids running around the house like looney-toons made that next to impossible, so I decided to just mow our lawn and our neighbors, and that would be good for at least 4000 steps, and well over 30 minutes, but I would have to get Jim to start the darn thing. He filled it with gas, checked the oil; I put on the gloves like a race-car driver, pulled the squeeze bar do-hickey, and jokingly pulled the yank chain once...
Nothing. Surprise.
I stretched my arm a little, prepping it.
I pulled again, harder this time.
Shut. The. Front. Door.
It started!
Welcome to the Gun Show, everyone! Check out these guns!
Maybe this surgery and exercise and taking care of myself thing is really working. But don't tell anyone that I am admitting to that....
Monday, May 28, 2012
To scale or not to scale
Ok...question of the day....week...month....
To scale, or not to scale?
I know some of you are disciplined enough to only step onto that dreaded piece of equipment once or twice a week, some of us might obsessively hop onto the scale, say, 3-4 times a day. Maybe. Perhaps. And a body goes through a lot of weight changes during the day. Up two pounds, down a pound a two thirds....enough to make a person mad....
I remember the day in high school gym class, the fat kids gym class, when I weighed in at 200 pounds. I was horrified. 200 pounds. And now I would kill to get back to that number. And that's all that it is. It's a number. An abstract representation that I have given value to. What I need to be looking at is other factors, like my blood pressure (which is a kicking 102/65, thank you) or my cholesterol (which I don't know yet). I should focus on the comfort I have in my clothes, and moving down in sizes, the ease that I can move around, how it is easier to bend over and tie shoes, how I can go up and down stairs without being winded, how I can run and play tag with the kiddos without pretending to fall so I can take a break from running....
When I started this journey for me it was all about the numbers, and I am realizing that that might have been another one of my "stinkin' thinking' "moments. Does that make sense? I just don't want to get all caught up in the "Oh, I only lost 1.5 pounds this week when I worked out 5 days out of the week." I want to say "Holy cow, Megan, you worked out 5 days this week, and for 45 minutes to an hour each time....that's really healthy and you should be proud of yourself! Your goal for next week should be to do the same and to bump up the resistance .5 on each piece of equipment."
So, with that being said...I am removing the weight loss ticker from the top of my page, and vowing to only weigh in once a week or when I go to the doctor for fills. I know it will be hard....but what on this journey has been easy?
Eating Greek Yogurt has been easy....that stuff rocks.....
Sunday, May 27, 2012
As promised....
The pictures of my kiddos...as promised...
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| Austin....he is really showing on his fingers that he is three...but it looks like he is throwing down a sign.... |
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Lilli and Abbi....this is what you get when you have two girls less than a year apart....best friends....  And so many years of Miss Lilli I have to get on Austin's.......the last baby always seems to get skipped...   PS. They are why I do what I do....so they are kind still on point.... |
Saturday, May 26, 2012
and....so I missed it...
What...it's Saturday and I missed Ten Things Thursday? What is this you say? I should write it on another day? Ok!
1. I reached the 15,000 step goal yesterday! Can I get a woot-woot! Here is proof!
1. I reached the 15,000 step goal yesterday! Can I get a woot-woot! Here is proof!
2. My weight was actually up 2lbs this morning causing a stream of words the FDC will not allow me to post here. I know, mind over matter, muscle weighs more than fat, eating nutella is not helping with wieght loss, etc, etc.....really....that I need to give my body a few days to figure out to do wit all this exercise before it starts to drop the weights...
3. Say cheese! Today (Saturday morning) we are taking Lilli, Abbi, and Austin for their, 6th,5th, and 3rd birthday pictures (respectively). That's a workout in itself! Proofs to be posted later!
4. I bought a new scale, and I don't like that it's 9 pounds more accurate than the old one, but it matches what the doctor's office says. How do you do it? What number do you go by, your home scale or your doctor's office?
5. The "F" word has slowly and regularly creaped into my vocabulary, and it needs to stop! Maybe I should try a bar of soap. Do they still make bars of soap?
6. My hubby and I are going to Nags Head, NC at the end of July, and we are going for massages together! He is going to get a back massage, and I am getting a 35 minute foot massage followed by a pedicure! HEAVEN!
7. I had "taco in a bowl" last night and it was really good....a little beans, a little meat, a little cheese, a little avacado...makes me feel like I was eating at the level of a 2 year old instead of a 9 month old...moving up in the world!
8. This week's homework for my therapist included making a new playlist for my nano with some happier music and letting her know why I kept the songs that I did and it was one the best exercises ever. To sit down and really think about why I was drawn to a song, about what ceratin lyrics really meant to me....it was really cool. If you are a music person, try it...
9. I still miss my McDouble. Every. Day.
10. I am now officially a size 22/24 and that makes just about everything better. The End.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
The Esplanade
"An esplanade is a long, open, level area, usually next to a river or large body of water, where people may walk. The original meaning of esplanade was a large, open, level area outside fortress or city walls to provide clear fields of fire for the fortress' guns. In modern usage the space allows people to walk for recreational purposes; esplanades are often on sea fronts, and allow walking whatever the state of the tide, without having to walk on the beach. Esplanades became popular in Victorian times when it was fashionable to visit seaside resorts. A Promenade, often abbreviated to '(The) Prom', was an area where people - couples and families especially - would go to walk for a while in order to 'be seen' and be considered part of 'society'."
Thanks, Wikipedia....I feel smarter now...
Today, since I have nothing else to do, I decided to go to the Chicago Botanical Gardens to kill, oh, about three hours of time. Best three hours of my week. Hands down. Walked over 6000 steps. Took some awesome pictures (see below) Was attacked by a bird. Saw a naked man. Ok, it was a statue, but still.
Back to my Esplanade. This was a very cool part of the Gardens, and it made sense. You walk through the CBG's, and all you see is people looking down. This part asks people to sit on the benches and look up. Look out. Enjoy the view. Relax. And so I did as I did. For about 20 minutes. I popped my earbuds in and just relaxed and it was wonderful and very warm and there was this delightful breeze that was misting the automatic waters making it next to blissful to sit there. Seriously, thought I was in heaven, and then the bus loads of what I am assuming 6th graders showed up and the peace and quiet was all over.....
Oh...and the diet and stuff....what this blog is suppoed to be about....blech....it's there....maybe there will be better news the next time around.....
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Take that...hated gym of mine
I actually have about 5 title options....so I am going to share them all...
Know what I can do with 6 Chocolate Oreos?
The Machine that almost killed me
The Scale that Lies
Ok...that was three...but I swear that as I was huffing and puffing
First of...Yea me! It's my one month Bandaversary! HAPPY DANCE! HAPPY DANCE! And I celebrated with my first trip to the park district fitness center. And my two of my worst fears came true.
1. I got on a machine that I really had no clue what I was gonna do with and it kicked my arse after 5, ok 3 minutes. It was some Precore AMT machine of Death. I am POSITIVE that it what it was called.
See....Machine of Death....ok...really....this is it...and it turns out my dumbarse was using it wrong and didn't ask anyone for help....
So, I settled with the standard elliptical for 20 minutes and 15 minutes of treadmill. Not bad for someone who hasn't worked out in eleventy billion years. Maybe it will make-up for the 6 Chocolate Oreo cookies that might have been consumed in a moment of angst last night. (might means that I cannot confirm or deny where the cookies went from the container. It could have been the one-eyed dog).
2. My second fear that came true. People talked to me. Umm....hello. I have ear-buds in. Can you not see that? Do I look like a person who wants to start up a conversation? I even have a hat on! Leave me alone. And it was like a common thing. Everyone was talking to everyone, whether they knew them or not...about the weather, about the fact they didn't want to come work out, about their jeans being too tight. It was like they were trying to motivate each other! I know...go ahead and shudder...I did. Sigh.
I did, however, reach over 6000 steps before 10AM and since my daily goal is 10,000, I am good to go...I have a few errands to run, and then some Revenge to watch...and my Daisy Scout book should be here and then the REAL planning fun for next year starts! I also need to update my Nano playlist a little more because while I am all about Sarah McLaughlin....something about Building a Mystery while you are on an elliptical just doesn't work...now if I was listening to Building a Mountain....(shout out to my V-Show friends who get that)
Saturday, May 19, 2012
Crash into me....
(totally stolen from Dave Matthews Band...hope they don't mind)
So, had a question posed to me this week by someone (perhaps my therapist) about what the difference is between having a psychological crash and just being sad. Good question. Though provoking question. Made me really think. I posed the question to some people (perhaps some people in one of my therapy groups) to see what they had to say, and we came up with some really good answers, so I thought I would share....
The leader...we will call him Master WiseMind...he preferred to call being sad "Feeling Emotion". Me, not so good at feeling emotion. Don't like it. Try not to do it. Wouldn't be prudent. And what we deducted from the conversation is that in an attempt to NOT feel the emotion, I obsess over the THOUGHT of the emotion, which in turn, makes me feel worse. Does that make sense? So, for example, when I get sad about a situation, instead of just letting myself feel sad, I obsess over the fact that I don't want to feel sad, I listen to music on my Nano to try and match my mood and it ends up taking me to a dark place. Or, another story that might be more understandable, we put one of our dogs to sleep almost three weeks ago, and instead of allowing myself to feel all the emotions that go along with that, I stuffed it and just kept his leash in my purse so that I, essentially, have kept a part of him with me. So, it feeds off of itself and creates, basically, tunnel vision where it spirals out of control and I do end up "crashing".
Good thing in talking it out with Master WiseMind....we also talked about what to do to avoid the "crash"... things that seem pretty logical but in the moment might seem pretty illogical... such as reminding yourself that what is going on is temporary and won't last forever, focusing on the good times and the memories, getting outside of yourself by talking to someone else, refusing to wallow in yourself and by not be willful, and if all else fails....watch Marsha Linehan...
(this has been edited from it's original version....proving once again it is not always wise to write a blog at 5AM after 3 hours and 58 minutes of sleep).
So, had a question posed to me this week by someone (perhaps my therapist) about what the difference is between having a psychological crash and just being sad. Good question. Though provoking question. Made me really think. I posed the question to some people (perhaps some people in one of my therapy groups) to see what they had to say, and we came up with some really good answers, so I thought I would share....
The leader...we will call him Master WiseMind...he preferred to call being sad "Feeling Emotion". Me, not so good at feeling emotion. Don't like it. Try not to do it. Wouldn't be prudent. And what we deducted from the conversation is that in an attempt to NOT feel the emotion, I obsess over the THOUGHT of the emotion, which in turn, makes me feel worse. Does that make sense? So, for example, when I get sad about a situation, instead of just letting myself feel sad, I obsess over the fact that I don't want to feel sad, I listen to music on my Nano to try and match my mood and it ends up taking me to a dark place. Or, another story that might be more understandable, we put one of our dogs to sleep almost three weeks ago, and instead of allowing myself to feel all the emotions that go along with that, I stuffed it and just kept his leash in my purse so that I, essentially, have kept a part of him with me. So, it feeds off of itself and creates, basically, tunnel vision where it spirals out of control and I do end up "crashing".
Good thing in talking it out with Master WiseMind....we also talked about what to do to avoid the "crash"... things that seem pretty logical but in the moment might seem pretty illogical... such as reminding yourself that what is going on is temporary and won't last forever, focusing on the good times and the memories, getting outside of yourself by talking to someone else, refusing to wallow in yourself and by not be willful, and if all else fails....watch Marsha Linehan...
(this has been edited from it's original version....proving once again it is not always wise to write a blog at 5AM after 3 hours and 58 minutes of sleep).
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Ten Things Thursday
1. It is 2:52AM and I am posting....guess if that makes me happy or not....
2. I am in LOVE with cottage cheese again. It comes and goes in phases...we are on an up-swing right now.
3. While I get logically that the first 5 weeks after surgery are for healing and not so much for weight loss, I think that I thought somewhere in my illogical mind that I was going to wake up and not be fat anymore...
4. There are a WHOLE lot a noises in a dark house in the middle of the night.
5. I JUST found out about BOOBS conference 2012 and am so happy that it is in Chicago AND that it falls on my birthday weekend! While I won't be staying in a hotel, I will certainly be participating in some of the daytime events with my fellow banding bloggers!
6. For those of you who I am not friends with on Facebook.....my husband and I booked an adult only vacation to Nags Head, NC for this summer! 4 days and 3 nights in a hotel on the beach, Oceanview, King room with a balcony....I am so excited!
7. I finally found another mommy friend to co-run the Daisy Scout troupe next year! I think we even found a curriculum to follow as well!
8. My husband bought me a FitBit for Mother's Day and I LOVE it....check it out at www.fitbit.com...
9. Wet mulch is harder to move than dry mulch....I tried to finish the remulching of the dog run yesterday and only got about half way done before my stomach started to ache and I had to stop....only 3 weeks post-op and those suckers were HEAVY! But it's looking really nice!
10. It's amazing how much a little bit of cleaning can make a big difference. I finally cleaned my hoarders-style desk and I feel so much better sitting her and typing...
2. I am in LOVE with cottage cheese again. It comes and goes in phases...we are on an up-swing right now.
3. While I get logically that the first 5 weeks after surgery are for healing and not so much for weight loss, I think that I thought somewhere in my illogical mind that I was going to wake up and not be fat anymore...
4. There are a WHOLE lot a noises in a dark house in the middle of the night.
5. I JUST found out about BOOBS conference 2012 and am so happy that it is in Chicago AND that it falls on my birthday weekend! While I won't be staying in a hotel, I will certainly be participating in some of the daytime events with my fellow banding bloggers!
6. For those of you who I am not friends with on Facebook.....my husband and I booked an adult only vacation to Nags Head, NC for this summer! 4 days and 3 nights in a hotel on the beach, Oceanview, King room with a balcony....I am so excited!
7. I finally found another mommy friend to co-run the Daisy Scout troupe next year! I think we even found a curriculum to follow as well!
8. My husband bought me a FitBit for Mother's Day and I LOVE it....check it out at www.fitbit.com...
9. Wet mulch is harder to move than dry mulch....I tried to finish the remulching of the dog run yesterday and only got about half way done before my stomach started to ache and I had to stop....only 3 weeks post-op and those suckers were HEAVY! But it's looking really nice!
10. It's amazing how much a little bit of cleaning can make a big difference. I finally cleaned my hoarders-style desk and I feel so much better sitting her and typing...
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
It cost what?!?!?!?
Cost of gas to fill car to get to hospital for lap band surgery ~ $60
Cost of a little extra babysitting over two weeks while I recovered ~ $100
Cost of protein powder and vitamins ~ $150
Cost of surgery because I have AWESOME insurance ~ $0
Seriously. Nothing. Zip. Zero. Zilch. It was all covered. From the doctor to the room to the anesthesiologist.
Crazy, I know.
Oh...and Weigh in Wednesday can bite itself....the number on the scale sucked today and I'm not talking about it anymore.
Cost of a little extra babysitting over two weeks while I recovered ~ $100
Cost of protein powder and vitamins ~ $150
Cost of surgery because I have AWESOME insurance ~ $0
Seriously. Nothing. Zip. Zero. Zilch. It was all covered. From the doctor to the room to the anesthesiologist.
Crazy, I know.
Oh...and Weigh in Wednesday can bite itself....the number on the scale sucked today and I'm not talking about it anymore.
Monday, May 14, 2012
Know what happens when you hide?
When I was a kid I hated playing hide and go seek....I sucked at it. Probably because I could never stay still long enough, and I was NEVER fast enough to run to "Home Base" before being tagged....and I always seemed to be found right away...
Yet, I continue as an adult to play hide and seek, just with grown-up things... (get your mind out of the gutter, fellow 50 Shades of Grey readers...) These past two weeks, I willfully decided to play hide and seek from my issues...and guess what...they found me. Surprise!
I think that I have made it pretty clear in this blog that I have been struggling with issues more than just the weight, all the psychological shit that goes along with it...not liking oneself, felling inadequate, feeling unworthy of happiness, feeling unaccepted....and lots more...and these past 15 days or so I just didn't want to deal with any of my baggage....I wanted it to go away. But, and it's a big but, the coping skill that I would normally use to help "hide" from this was not there....it's not like I could drive through McD's and get my special (McDouble and Diet Coke) or make my husband order me a large pizza from Mugs (local pizza place...and as an aside story, every baratric patient gets a bear when they have surgery, I named mine Mugs...the pizza is THAT good).
So, the only other coping skill that I know is to go into shut-down mode....not talking, not blogging, minimal functioning, and the weirdest and probably worst was that I couldn't eat. Like, the thought of eating made me physically ill. Lesson I learned from that....your weight will NOT drop faster if you do not eat. Well, it will for a few days and then it goes into massive shock and it shuts down. (I can totally hear my stomach swearing at me like nobody's business and then I get visions of that scene from Look Who's Talking where the baby is still in Kirstie's stomach and pulls on the ambilical cord looking for apple juice..) ANYWAY....
I am slowly crawling out of my pity-party hole and trying to stabilize myself....not doing it alone, I have a great therapist and an awesome doctor. I know that this is just part of the journey, but someone should have warned me that the speed~bumps were going to be a little rough. It needs one of those Caution, Rough Crossing signs...
Yet, I continue as an adult to play hide and seek, just with grown-up things... (get your mind out of the gutter, fellow 50 Shades of Grey readers...) These past two weeks, I willfully decided to play hide and seek from my issues...and guess what...they found me. Surprise!
I think that I have made it pretty clear in this blog that I have been struggling with issues more than just the weight, all the psychological shit that goes along with it...not liking oneself, felling inadequate, feeling unworthy of happiness, feeling unaccepted....and lots more...and these past 15 days or so I just didn't want to deal with any of my baggage....I wanted it to go away. But, and it's a big but, the coping skill that I would normally use to help "hide" from this was not there....it's not like I could drive through McD's and get my special (McDouble and Diet Coke) or make my husband order me a large pizza from Mugs (local pizza place...and as an aside story, every baratric patient gets a bear when they have surgery, I named mine Mugs...the pizza is THAT good).
So, the only other coping skill that I know is to go into shut-down mode....not talking, not blogging, minimal functioning, and the weirdest and probably worst was that I couldn't eat. Like, the thought of eating made me physically ill. Lesson I learned from that....your weight will NOT drop faster if you do not eat. Well, it will for a few days and then it goes into massive shock and it shuts down. (I can totally hear my stomach swearing at me like nobody's business and then I get visions of that scene from Look Who's Talking where the baby is still in Kirstie's stomach and pulls on the ambilical cord looking for apple juice..) ANYWAY....
I am slowly crawling out of my pity-party hole and trying to stabilize myself....not doing it alone, I have a great therapist and an awesome doctor. I know that this is just part of the journey, but someone should have warned me that the speed~bumps were going to be a little rough. It needs one of those Caution, Rough Crossing signs...
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
NSV!
NSV!!!!
Putting on jeans straights from the dryer and they are already big without having to do the twist-jump-bend-to- stetch-them dance!
Not a fan of the scale this monring....hopefully it's better by tomorrow...
Putting on jeans straights from the dryer and they are already big without having to do the twist-jump-bend-to- stetch-them dance!
Not a fan of the scale this monring....hopefully it's better by tomorrow...
Saturday, May 5, 2012
The Truth?
The Truth....week 2 SUCKED.
Week 1 was kinda fun...seeing the weight drop so quickly and being all new and all....week 2 was kinda a let down....besides having to by Sweet Ben to sleep (see previous post), this week I just didn't wanna....I didn't wanna have shakes, I didn't wanna be happy about the new journey....I wanted my old coping skills (Diet Coke and McDouble) and I wanted my bed....and I just waned to stay there and read 50 Shades of Grey...(which will be a post in and of itself)...amd as a result I didn't eat the shakes and baby food the way I should have and did not see as big of a weight loss....poopy....
However....I realize that this is just temporary willfulness (Thank you, Brenda)..and as they say....This, too, shall pass...
Week 1 was kinda fun...seeing the weight drop so quickly and being all new and all....week 2 was kinda a let down....besides having to by Sweet Ben to sleep (see previous post), this week I just didn't wanna....I didn't wanna have shakes, I didn't wanna be happy about the new journey....I wanted my old coping skills (Diet Coke and McDouble) and I wanted my bed....and I just waned to stay there and read 50 Shades of Grey...(which will be a post in and of itself)...amd as a result I didn't eat the shakes and baby food the way I should have and did not see as big of a weight loss....poopy....
However....I realize that this is just temporary willfulness (Thank you, Brenda)..and as they say....This, too, shall pass...
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Rest Well, Dear Ben...
I remember the day that we got him very clearly. We had researched a number of breeders, and looked for a recent litter that had a male pup. It was a snowy, Saturday morning, and we headed out early as it was a drive. We went just over the boarder of Indiana into Michigan....like just over the boarder. It was odd because we were driving down a side street, one second it is an Indiana address and the next is Michigan. The breeder, highly recommended, had not only Great Pyrenees, but also St. Bernard's, as they make good companions. The owner was a very heavy set man who remained in his Scooter, and had his sons fetch the two male pups that he had left. At 8 weeks old, they were already almost 20 pounds and just little balls of fuzz. We watched the two brothers play, and finally decided on the smaller one, hoping that it meant he would grow a little smaller as well. He was all white except for a gray mask on his face that the owner assured us would fade over time. Jim crawled into the back seat with him; I agreed to drive home. We went back and forth between names, finally settling on Ben. Big Ben, he would be one day.
We enrolled Ben in puppy classes, more so that we could learn what to do with him than he could learn how to behave! While he was certainly the biggest puppy in the class, he was far from the most coordinated or fastest. He quickly made friends with a Bullmastif puppy...and the two were inseparable So much so, that after about 6 months of having Ben we decided to look at getting a Bullmastif ourselves. We found a good breeder who was located in Illinois this time, and drive out to her farm in the middle of NOWHERE! The pups were about 8 weeks old, and we had at least 8 to select from. I fell in love with this tiny female right away, and we quickly signed the paperwork and brought Mia home and into our lives. It only took a few hours for Ben and Mia to become quick buddies.....
We enrolled Ben in puppy classes, more so that we could learn what to do with him than he could learn how to behave! While he was certainly the biggest puppy in the class, he was far from the most coordinated or fastest. He quickly made friends with a Bullmastif puppy...and the two were inseparable So much so, that after about 6 months of having Ben we decided to look at getting a Bullmastif ourselves. We found a good breeder who was located in Illinois this time, and drive out to her farm in the middle of NOWHERE! The pups were about 8 weeks old, and we had at least 8 to select from. I fell in love with this tiny female right away, and we quickly signed the paperwork and brought Mia home and into our lives. It only took a few hours for Ben and Mia to become quick buddies.....
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| (Ummm..yes, Ben grew that much in 6 months....CRAZY) |
When Ben was about 4 years old, he stepped in a hole in the back yard and tweaked his knee. We were told at first to watch it, that it might get better. But, as it always goes, his knee did not get better on its own...and we were left with a full knee replacement surgery....Holy Cow....didn't we wish then that we had bought the pet insurance. The doctor told us at that time that a surgery like this meant a shortened life-span.. Great Pyrenees usually get about 12-15 years, we were told if Ben made it to 10 we would be lucky.
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| Ben and Moo |
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| Sibling Love |
We watched Ben slowly go from our happy-to-bark-at-the-wind dog to our elderly friend who struggled to get up, to walk, to move about the house, to eat, drink......it happened over 4 years time, but it seems like a blink of the eye. We used to have him groomed at PetSmart every other month, and I remember the last time we took him and they said that they just couldn't do it anymore since he couldn't stand long enough...it was so sad. We made him as comfortable as we could, added a ramp to the side yard so that he could get outside a little easier, bought extra carpet for our hard wood living room so that he would have a better grip on the floor, tolerated long barking session in the backyard as this was the place that he loved to be the most. It slowly and painfully became obvious to us that we were holding on the Ben for us, not for him, and that this was no longer fair.
I cried silently the entire ride to the vet's office today. Jim had to carry Ben's hind quarters as he hobbled into the waiting room, he just didn't have the strength to do it himself. They placed us in a "quiet room", it was oversized, lots of chairs and a bench, and a big carpet in the middle. Jim stroked his head and neck; we sat in silence. What do you really say? The vet came in and explained what would happen, brought in a blanket that Ben could lay on. We placed it over the carpet, and I sat next to him on the floor, rubbing his head, telling him it would be alright. They had trouble finding a vein as he had become dehydrated, and it took 3 needle pricks before they could inset an IV. We knew the process, we have had 2 cats put down before...but I don't think that there is really anything that prepares you for it....We held him and talked to him until the vet said it was over and left the room....Our sweet Ben, our protector, our fuzzy monster who left us with hair wherever we went. Jim and I had a running joke from the time that we brought Ben home that wherever we went, a part of Ben went, too, as there was always at least one Ben hair on us somewhere...
Ben was our first baby....our first "we are really in this for the long haul" project....our first learning experience of sleepless nights when there were thunderstorms (he was the biggest baby and always had to come and sleep in our room at the slightest rumble or flash of light)...of "potty training"...of middle of the night ER visits when Ben took Mia's rawhide and was promptly bitten for it....He was a part of the girl's growing up, giving them rides like a little pony...standing in front of the TV at just the wrong time....
The house is very quiet tonight. Jim and I are rather sullen....the girls are at gymnastics and in the 15 minutes that they were home between school/playground with Becca and changing for class, they didn't notice his absence. I don't know exactly what I will say to them tonight that will make them understand that he is in a better place, that he doesn't hurt anymore, that while we are sad we can hope that he is running around with Chenna and Moo (or two cats gone before) and barking at squirrels in the trees. I am sure that it will take awhile for our house to get used to its emptiness, its quietness, its loss of our dear sweet Ben.....
Monday, April 30, 2012
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Gerber Stage 2 Apples and Cherries, Please....
That's right folks, I am moving right up that nutrition ladder and am at the same level as a 6 month old!!! Let's all be glad that at least I can walk and I am NOT still in diapers....
But this week does mean that I get to switch to foods that are mushy, applesauce-like, and not of much more flavor than last week...but little by little, we will get there. Tonight I had a 1/2 cup of low-fat cottage cheese...and 2 hours later I AM STILL FULL! Shut the front door, I know!
Also on the menu this week are insta-spuds (fortified with unflavored protein powder), the above mentioned Gerber Stage 2 fruits (which also include mangos, apples and blueberries, and peaches), a new protein shake that does not require pre-mix or the fridge to keep in my car (see the post about the bad hospital choices)....and I can bring back my beloved (honestly) Greek Yogurt. I am going to try it with some cinnamon as recommended to me by a friend.....Oh my gosh...and I almost forgot! I can have blended tuna or chicken salad! (Insert gag or yum here, whichever you feel is more fitting.)
I am now down what I feel is an impressive 23 pounds since the day after Easter...12 of them in just the past week.....I was told that the first 50-60 would come off fast and then the real work will begin...and I will take those easy pounds any way I can! If only we could choose the LOCATION that the fat comes from.....my tends to come off my upper half much faster than my lower half, much to the sadness of my husband....
I hope you all had an awesome weekend...and are looking forward to a great week!
But this week does mean that I get to switch to foods that are mushy, applesauce-like, and not of much more flavor than last week...but little by little, we will get there. Tonight I had a 1/2 cup of low-fat cottage cheese...and 2 hours later I AM STILL FULL! Shut the front door, I know!
Also on the menu this week are insta-spuds (fortified with unflavored protein powder), the above mentioned Gerber Stage 2 fruits (which also include mangos, apples and blueberries, and peaches), a new protein shake that does not require pre-mix or the fridge to keep in my car (see the post about the bad hospital choices)....and I can bring back my beloved (honestly) Greek Yogurt. I am going to try it with some cinnamon as recommended to me by a friend.....Oh my gosh...and I almost forgot! I can have blended tuna or chicken salad! (Insert gag or yum here, whichever you feel is more fitting.)
I am now down what I feel is an impressive 23 pounds since the day after Easter...12 of them in just the past week.....I was told that the first 50-60 would come off fast and then the real work will begin...and I will take those easy pounds any way I can! If only we could choose the LOCATION that the fat comes from.....my tends to come off my upper half much faster than my lower half, much to the sadness of my husband....
I hope you all had an awesome weekend...and are looking forward to a great week!
Friday, April 27, 2012
Frustrated, Friggin' Hungry and Fistulas...
Ok, really...this post has nothing to do with fistulas except that I was looking for another F word and I like how Miranda Bailey on Grey's says "Fistulas." I don't even really know what word means...
But, I can talk a LOT about the other two topics....
1. Frustrated. Day 5. Pain should be gone, right? Not. I totally overdid this AM, and am feeling it big time, even after taking a close to three hour nap. I am trying to hold off on taking my pain medicine until a little closer to bed so that I am not totally thrown off on sleep for the night. But here are several reasons I am frustrated.
A. I made waffles this morning for Austin and wanted to eat them all. And we are not talking just plain everyday waffles, but good Eggo Cinnamon Toast break-into-4-pieces-covered-in-Country-Crock waffles.
2. I was at an appointment at the hospital when I realized I had not grabbed a second shake for the morning and thought surely it's a hospital, the cafeteria must have something that I can have, a protein shake, Boost, Ensure, something. Zip. Zilch. Nada. Big Zero on that. The closest that I could find was a Naked brand protein shake that was filled with fruit, which I cannot add back in until week 4. So, bad move on my part for not planning better, but bad move on the hospital's part. Perhaps I will write them a letter.
III. My husband is now totally enjoying a bowl of Hamburger Helper (normally not my food group of choice), but our house smells like Italian heaven right now. So, I am rummentating in self-pity and anger (but at least I am using an appropriate outlet, right?)
2. Friggin' Hungry. Today I am. I am hungry. Or at least my mind tells me so. Physically, not so much, my stomach can handle about 1/4 cup to 1/2 cup at a time...but if I have to see one more add for Culver's and their made to order butterburgers, there could be a riot up in Mount Prospect....
Ok....that's all I needed to vent....down 2 more pounds today....that's 18 in total since I started the pre-op diet, 6 since Monday....not that I am checking the scale every day because that would be bad and I always follow my doctor's advice. :)
But, I can talk a LOT about the other two topics....
1. Frustrated. Day 5. Pain should be gone, right? Not. I totally overdid this AM, and am feeling it big time, even after taking a close to three hour nap. I am trying to hold off on taking my pain medicine until a little closer to bed so that I am not totally thrown off on sleep for the night. But here are several reasons I am frustrated.
A. I made waffles this morning for Austin and wanted to eat them all. And we are not talking just plain everyday waffles, but good Eggo Cinnamon Toast break-into-4-pieces-covered-in-Country-Crock waffles.
2. I was at an appointment at the hospital when I realized I had not grabbed a second shake for the morning and thought surely it's a hospital, the cafeteria must have something that I can have, a protein shake, Boost, Ensure, something. Zip. Zilch. Nada. Big Zero on that. The closest that I could find was a Naked brand protein shake that was filled with fruit, which I cannot add back in until week 4. So, bad move on my part for not planning better, but bad move on the hospital's part. Perhaps I will write them a letter.
III. My husband is now totally enjoying a bowl of Hamburger Helper (normally not my food group of choice), but our house smells like Italian heaven right now. So, I am rummentating in self-pity and anger (but at least I am using an appropriate outlet, right?)
2. Friggin' Hungry. Today I am. I am hungry. Or at least my mind tells me so. Physically, not so much, my stomach can handle about 1/4 cup to 1/2 cup at a time...but if I have to see one more add for Culver's and their made to order butterburgers, there could be a riot up in Mount Prospect....
Ok....that's all I needed to vent....down 2 more pounds today....that's 18 in total since I started the pre-op diet, 6 since Monday....not that I am checking the scale every day because that would be bad and I always follow my doctor's advice. :)
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Call the government....I have a solution for the Gas Crisis...
Geesh...fellow banders.....you could have warned me a bit more about this stage...
So, apparently, when you go in for surgery they use gas to help inflate your stomach to do the work, and at some point it's gotta come out, and there are really only 2 "ends" for that to happen.....and when it starts to happen, watch out! I have been popping and fizzing all day like a great package of PopRocks....or perhaps one of the commercials you see where the scientist puts a Mento into a bottle of soda.....good time, good times....
AND....it's 10 Things Thursday!!!!
1. Unflavored Protein Powder is just that....(Someone had asked and I don't remember who). I added it to my strained and blended cream of chicken and mushroom soup tonight and could not tell a difference.
2. There is a viral epidemic in my house...Abigail is winning with a fever of 102.8 and Austin is in second place with 101.7. This could potentially ruin all weekend plans.
3. While I a am struggling to get all my water in each day, I am enjoying the challenge! At what stage did you add Crystal Lite back in?
4. America's Next Top Model is a little piece of heaven for me on Wednesday nights.
5. I am secretly REALLY irritated that Private Practice was moved to Tuesday nights.
6. Since I had the surgery on Monday, I should be at goal weight in, like, two weeks, right?
7. I like to pluck the white hairs from my husband's head...since he doesn't have many hairs to begin with this pisses him off but makes me laugh.
8. If I could have one more baby, I would.....
9. Sugar Free Fudgsicles are just not the same. No matter what the box says.
10. Happy 2nd Birthday to my niece and nephew, Luke and Lauren! I can't believe you are so big already!
So, apparently, when you go in for surgery they use gas to help inflate your stomach to do the work, and at some point it's gotta come out, and there are really only 2 "ends" for that to happen.....and when it starts to happen, watch out! I have been popping and fizzing all day like a great package of PopRocks....or perhaps one of the commercials you see where the scientist puts a Mento into a bottle of soda.....good time, good times....
AND....it's 10 Things Thursday!!!!
1. Unflavored Protein Powder is just that....(Someone had asked and I don't remember who). I added it to my strained and blended cream of chicken and mushroom soup tonight and could not tell a difference.
2. There is a viral epidemic in my house...Abigail is winning with a fever of 102.8 and Austin is in second place with 101.7. This could potentially ruin all weekend plans.
3. While I a am struggling to get all my water in each day, I am enjoying the challenge! At what stage did you add Crystal Lite back in?
4. America's Next Top Model is a little piece of heaven for me on Wednesday nights.
5. I am secretly REALLY irritated that Private Practice was moved to Tuesday nights.
6. Since I had the surgery on Monday, I should be at goal weight in, like, two weeks, right?
7. I like to pluck the white hairs from my husband's head...since he doesn't have many hairs to begin with this pisses him off but makes me laugh.
8. If I could have one more baby, I would.....
9. Sugar Free Fudgsicles are just not the same. No matter what the box says.
10. Happy 2nd Birthday to my niece and nephew, Luke and Lauren! I can't believe you are so big already!
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