The three "B"'s....Binging, Breaking, Broken.....just like the name of my website....three Big B's that I have allowed to prevent me from my journey....three B's that I own as my personal shortcoming.... three B's that I strive to correct so that I can move on...
B number 1....binging....ok. I am sure that we have all done it. It's not pleasant, it's dirty, messy, and leaves you feeling like crap. I think that I have always been an emotional binge eater, choosing to ignore my feelings and instead "eat them". The band has prevented this to some extent; I can only binge in small portions. But if I elect to put a McDouble in my stomach over a protein shake, and then later that day eat some cake instead of a salad, well, it all adds up in the end. I am GRATEFUL, however, for the band as I have still lost weight while "binging".... but just don't feel really good about the process...
B number 2 ..... breaking promises to myself, to my husband, to my kids that this was the time that I was going to get healthy. I think, I really think, that I thought the band was going to be some magical tool that was just going to make me shrink dramatically, and (while I have already said it) I HAVE still lost weight and inches, I know that I could be so much further along this journey if I hadn't hit this rough patch. But, then it wouldn't be a journey, right? I have learned a lot over these past 3 months that I have been missing...what makes me feel good after eating, what makes me feel crappy, what exercise works for me, what things don't.....now is just the time to apply it...
B number 3 .... I am broken...most of us are...and now it's time to fix that. Time to recommit to the promise that I made on April 23rd when I cried as the sleeping drugs began to take effect, knowing that my life was about to change....Time to start believing in myself again and shaking off those who attempt to make my self-strength warble....Time to really see what this band can do....
The end. (for now)
The story of learning to put down my fork after 33 years of being full...
We all get knocked down, you gott keep getting back up again! Don't beat yourself up for the past just keep moving forward. You got this.
ReplyDeleteIts been said before but there are no better words, "YOU GO GIRL!" Whatever you need you know I got your back. Now and forever no matter how big or little that 'back' may be.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely the biggest step is admitting that you know what the problems are and that you are committing to do what you can to change those problems and triggers!!! That is awesome insight. As a fellow emotional eater I totally understand what you are going through!!! May I be so bold as to suggest a book that has completely changed my life (and I believe was written with ME in mind).....Made To Crave by Lysa Terkeurst. It was the best $15 I ever spent and what I learned from reading the book has changed my relationship with food and my life. I still struggle with it but I'm learning and it's helping!!!
ReplyDeleteHey Megan glad your back! I like you eat smaller portions of the same shit I ate before. Weight is coming off, but slow slow slow.
ReplyDeleteI dont know why either...I need to stop and I want to stop, but I like what I like. It is going to take me a year probably to loose 75 lbs and I really need to loose 100.
Keep blogging and checking in.
Welcome Back Megan. We all are relating to your post. Remember to strive for imperfect progress. This is not a straight line, this journey we are on. We are human, flawed and easily influenced. I love that you are recommitted and I am proud of you!
ReplyDeletethis is a journey...a journey to learn about yourself and how you got here..so that you can try and fix it! Don't beat yourself up, just try try again!
ReplyDeleteWelcome back Megan. We all have our times. Our ups and downs. Fall 7 times. Get up 8. That is what is important!
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