Friday, April 26, 2013

Walking Buddy

My view....
Finally!  The weather in the Chicagoland area is BEA-U-TIFUL today!  Mia, my bulmastif, and I went on a nice long walk.  I certainly needed it, after sitting on my arse for days on end watching Law and Order: SVU via Netflix.  Mia certainly needed it; by the end of the walk she was lagging behind me and exhausted.  (She has since reclaimed her position on my bed.)  Baby steps, right?  Day by day....reclaiming my life and working to reach my goals!

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

After one year

One year ago today I started a journey that I thought would fix all the problems in my life.  (  One year ago today I was sure that when today hit I would be in a better place, a happier place, and that I would be gorgeous.  One year ago today, I set myself up for failure by not realizing that this was going to be harder than I thought.

One year ago today I had lap-band surgery.  For some reason I thought I had it in March, but nope, it was April 23rd.

And, one year from my starting point, I have lost nowhere near the amount of weight that I had hoped to loose.  But there has been much that I have learned.

I have learned that weight loss is truly an up and down journey, and that it does no good to chastise myself when I come up short of my goals.

I have learned that my cravings and desires are not going to change just because I have lap-band.  They are still like little demons that I have to fight every day.

I have learned that Diet Coke is the devil.

I have learned that before I can start taking care of myself physically, there is much that I need to do psychologically. Like many people who have been overweight for most of their lives, I have a lot of built up self-hate and loathing that I need to heal from. Again, just having the lap-band didn't make this all go away over night. It is taking work, lots of work, but I know that with the help and support that I have now, I will get there.

I did some research today...plugged "lap-band failure" into Google to see if there are others, like me, who have not had the success that they thought they would have with lap-band.  There are hundreds of us, message boards devoted to people who have lost less than 50 pounds in a year, stories of other strugglers who have actually still gained weight after having the surgery. 

There is hope, too. 

I have not been getting fills like I should be, mainly because there has been so much else going on in my life that my doctor put them on hold.  But I have a goal.  The middle of June is what I am shooting for to start back on the fills.  That gives me almost two months to "re-prep" my body, to get it accustomed to the foods and liquids like I did before I had the surgery.  It gives me time to psych myself up, just like I did with the two-week pre-op diet.  (Boy, was I hoping that I would never have to go through that again!)

I will not let the negativity of this last year get to me. 

I will start blogging here again for the support and encouragement that I received before.

I will do this.