Know what happens when you hide?

When I was a kid I hated playing hide and go seek....I sucked at it.  Probably because I could never stay still long enough, and I was NEVER fast enough to run to "Home Base" before being tagged....and I always seemed to be found right away...

Yet, I continue as an adult to play hide and seek, just with grown-up things...  (get your mind out of the gutter, fellow 50 Shades of Grey readers...)  These past two weeks, I willfully decided to play hide and seek from my issues...and guess what...they found me.  Surprise!

I think that I have made it pretty clear in this blog that I have been struggling with issues more than just the weight, all the psychological shit that goes along with it...not liking oneself, felling inadequate, feeling unworthy of happiness, feeling unaccepted....and lots more...and these past 15 days or so I just didn't want to deal with any of my baggage....I wanted it to go away.  But, and it's a big but, the coping skill that I would normally use to help "hide" from this was not there....it's not like I could drive through McD's and get my special (McDouble and Diet Coke) or make my husband order me a large pizza from Mugs (local pizza place...and as an aside story, every baratric patient gets a bear when they have surgery, I named mine Mugs...the pizza is THAT good).

So, the only other coping skill that I know is to go into shut-down mode....not talking, not blogging, minimal functioning, and the weirdest and probably worst was that I couldn't eat.  Like, the thought of eating made me physically ill.  Lesson I learned from that....your weight will NOT drop faster if you do not eat.  Well, it will for a few days and then it goes into massive shock and it shuts down.  (I can totally hear my stomach swearing at me like nobody's business and then I get visions of that scene from Look Who's Talking where the baby is still in Kirstie's stomach and pulls on the ambilical cord looking for apple juice..)  ANYWAY....

I am slowly crawling out of my pity-party hole and trying to stabilize myself....not doing it alone, I have a great therapist and an awesome doctor.  I know that this is just part of the journey, but someone should have warned me that the speed~bumps were going to be a little rough.   It needs one of those Caution, Rough Crossing signs...