One year ago today I started a journey that I thought would fix all the problems in my life. (http://bigbottombanded.blogspot.com/2012/04/first-day-of-rest-of-my-life.html) One year ago today I was sure that when today hit I would be in a better place, a happier place, and that I would be gorgeous. One year ago today, I set myself up for failure by not realizing that this was going to be harder than I thought.
One year ago today I had lap-band surgery. For some reason I thought I had it in March, but nope, it was April 23rd.
And, one year from my starting point, I have lost nowhere near the amount of weight that I had hoped to loose. But there has been much that I have learned.
I have learned that weight loss is truly an up and down journey, and that it does no good to chastise myself when I come up short of my goals.
I have learned that my cravings and desires are not going to change just because I have lap-band. They are still like little demons that I have to fight every day.
I have learned that Diet Coke is the devil.
I have learned that before I can start taking care of myself physically, there is much that I need to do psychologically. Like many people who have been overweight for most of their lives, I have a lot of built up self-hate and loathing that I need to heal from. Again, just having the lap-band didn't make this all go away over night. It is taking work, lots of work, but I know that with the help and support that I have now, I will get there.
I did some research today...plugged "lap-band failure" into Google to see if there are others, like me, who have not had the success that they thought they would have with lap-band. There are hundreds of us, message boards devoted to people who have lost less than 50 pounds in a year, stories of other strugglers who have actually still gained weight after having the surgery.
There is hope, too.
I have not been getting fills like I should be, mainly because there has been so much else going on in my life that my doctor put them on hold. But I have a goal. The middle of June is what I am shooting for to start back on the fills. That gives me almost two months to "re-prep" my body, to get it accustomed to the foods and liquids like I did before I had the surgery. It gives me time to psych myself up, just like I did with the two-week pre-op diet. (Boy, was I hoping that I would never have to go through that again!)
I will not let the negativity of this last year get to me.
I will start blogging here again for the support and encouragement that I received before.
I will do this.
The story of learning to put down my fork after 33 years of being full...
This is your journey, not anyone elses and not a race.
ReplyDeleteRemember you could have spent the last year gaining weight instead of losing.
You are making life changes, getting healthy! We are happy to have you here blogging aobut whatever you want/need to blog about! :)
DeleteGood for you!! It appears that you have spent the last year gaining the one tool that you have to have in order for your journey to be successful. Mental Readiness. You have obviously learned a LOT over the last year, and I can tell you from experience that Mental Readiness is a huge key! I am about 7-10 years older than you, and I have tried MANY times in my life to lose weight. I've been overweight my whole life. I started my current program (okay, it's Weight Watchers) two days after your surgery. I've tried them numerous times before...along with T.O.P.S, Jenny Craig, and every fad diet you can think of. I've never lasted more than 4-6 months on any plan. This is the first time ever, that I have remained faithful to the plan and have finally learned to change my lifestyle instead of dieting. The difference? I was finally mentally ready to do it. (Don't know what took so long!) Simply wanting it before wasn't enough. I'm not perfect...the occasional food-free-for-all sneaks in, but I allow it, forgive myself and get back on plan the next meal or day. You already said you learned that chastising yourself is not going to help. Way to go! If you need someone to talk to, let me know. I also found that having friends in the same boat to talk with has helped through a few times where I wanted to eat everything in sight.
ReplyDeleteI wish you all the best!!! If you need extra support, just let me know!
Kim
Happy bandiversary. Hope this next year brings new and exciting lows for you.
ReplyDeleteForgive yourself, my dear. We're in it together. I'm working on my mental addiction to food and how I cope. I lost lots of weight... but gained 1/2 of it back. Just remember it doesn't matter how many times you fall, as long as you keep getting back up. You'll get through it.
ReplyDelete