One year ago today I started a journey that I thought would fix all the problems in my life. (http://bigbottombanded.blogspot.com/2012/04/first-day-of-rest-of-my-life.html) One year ago today I was sure that when today hit I would be in a better place, a happier place, and that I would be gorgeous. One year ago today, I set myself up for failure by not realizing that this was going to be harder than I thought.
One year ago today I had lap-band surgery. For some reason I thought I had it in March, but nope, it was April 23rd.
And, one year from my starting point, I have lost nowhere near the amount of weight that I had hoped to loose. But there has been much that I have learned.
I have learned that weight loss is truly an up and down journey, and that it does no good to chastise myself when I come up short of my goals.
I have learned that my cravings and desires are not going to change just because I have lap-band. They are still like little demons that I have to fight every day.
I have learned that Diet Coke is the devil.
I have learned that before I can start taking care of myself physically, there is much that I need to do psychologically. Like many people who have been overweight for most of their lives, I have a lot of built up self-hate and loathing that I need to heal from. Again, just having the lap-band didn't make this all go away over night. It is taking work, lots of work, but I know that with the help and support that I have now, I will get there.
I did some research today...plugged "lap-band failure" into Google to see if there are others, like me, who have not had the success that they thought they would have with lap-band. There are hundreds of us, message boards devoted to people who have lost less than 50 pounds in a year, stories of other strugglers who have actually still gained weight after having the surgery.
There is hope, too.
I have not been getting fills like I should be, mainly because there has been so much else going on in my life that my doctor put them on hold. But I have a goal. The middle of June is what I am shooting for to start back on the fills. That gives me almost two months to "re-prep" my body, to get it accustomed to the foods and liquids like I did before I had the surgery. It gives me time to psych myself up, just like I did with the two-week pre-op diet. (Boy, was I hoping that I would never have to go through that again!)
I will not let the negativity of this last year get to me.
I will start blogging here again for the support and encouragement that I received before.
I will do this.