35 things I love....

Since today I am 35 (hurray!) I thought I would post 35 things I love...in no particular order....


1. My Husband
2. Lilli
3. Abbi
4. Austin
5. My family
6. Mia, my dog
7. God (should I have listed him earlier?)
8. Cupcakes
9. Walking on a chilly, sunny day
10. Microfleece blankets
11. My job at Torrid
12. My new black biker boots...they make me look "bad-ass"
13. Snuggling with the kids (the exception is when it is at 2AM)
14. Singing Christmas songs...all year round
15. Dark Chocolate
16. Milk Chocolate
17. Diet Coke
18. The Brookfield Zoo
19. Make A Messterpiece
20. Candles that smell like Apple Pies
21. Apple Pies themselves...especially if they have that crumbly topping
22. McDouble
23. A clean house...better if I don't have to clean it
24. Daisy Scouts
25. Beans, the cat
26. Diet Coke....it bears repeating
27. Patrick Dempsey
28. Glee
29. 50 Shades of Grey....come on...you know you love it, too
30. My Nook
31. My lap band
32. Crab Legs
33. Red Lobster Cheddar Bay Biscuits
34. My Blog
35.  Myself....at least I am working on it....

Searching for a song

I love music.  I heart music.  When I cannot express what I am feeling in words, it is often a song that I will turn to to get the message across.  Today, however, I am at a loss.

I cannot find a song.  I have tried Hootie, Counting Crows, Evanescence, even Barry Manilow and Elton John....and I just come up blank.

So I ask you....what's your go to I-am-not-in-the-best-place-and-want-to-feel-better song?

Binging, Breaking promises, and fixing Broken

The three "B"'s....Binging, Breaking, Broken.....just like the name of my website....three Big B's that I have allowed to prevent me from my journey....three B's that I own as my personal shortcoming.... three B's that I strive to correct so that I can move on...

B number 1....binging....ok.  I am sure that we have all done it.  It's not pleasant, it's dirty, messy, and leaves you feeling like crap.  I think that I have always been an emotional binge eater, choosing to ignore my feelings and instead "eat them".  The band has prevented this to some extent; I can only binge in small portions.  But if I elect to put a McDouble in my stomach over a protein shake, and then later that day eat some cake instead of a salad, well, it all adds up in the end.  I am GRATEFUL, however, for the band as I have still lost weight while "binging".... but just don't feel really good about the process...

B number 2 ..... breaking promises to myself, to my husband, to my kids that this was the time that I was going to get healthy.  I think, I really think, that I thought the band was going to be some magical tool that was just going to make me shrink dramatically, and (while I have already said it) I HAVE still lost weight and inches, I know that I could be so much further along this journey if I hadn't hit this rough patch.  But, then it wouldn't be a journey, right?  I have learned a lot over these past 3 months that I have been missing...what makes me feel good after eating, what makes me feel crappy, what exercise works for me, what things don't.....now is just the time to apply it...

B number 3 .... I am broken...most of us are...and now it's time to fix that.  Time to recommit to the promise that I made on April 23rd when I cried as the sleeping drugs began to take effect, knowing that my life was about to change....Time to start believing in myself again and shaking off those who attempt to make my self-strength warble....Time to really see what this band can do....

The end.  (for now) 

Shuffling back in....

a rough few months....posted many blogs in my head...think I will have the big one ready tonight or tomorrow...but I am still alive!