Frighteningly Encouraged

Ok, peeps.  So today was the big day.  The trip back to the surgeon to see if I could get a fill.  And, I must admit, after some sweating palms, fast heartbeats, and tears (more mine than the doctors) everything came out awesome in the end!

Here's a little back story for those who might be new to the blog.

April 2012 ~ Megan gets lap-band!  Hurray!

June 2012 ~ Megan goes in for first check up and has lost about 10 pounds.  While she was hoping for more, the doctor is pleased with the 1-2 pounds a week.

July 2012 ~ Megan stumbles; the reality of lap-band and much more sets in.  She is diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder.

October 2012 ~ Megan is back on her feet again (somewhat) and goes in for another fill.  Dr. hesitates.  Dr. thinks.  Dr declines to fill Megan because of her depression.  Dr. wants Megan to get depression completely under control before he will fill her.  Megan is sad.

April 2013 ~ Megan has been working with a therapist for a long time now, and they agree to set a goal of June to try and go back to the Dr for a fill.  The months are hard, and Megan stumbles here and there.

July 30, 2013  12:30PM~ Megan's therapist has agreed that it is ok to get a fill.  Megan goes to Dr for blood work and consultation with Dr.  Megan finds out that she has gained back 9 of the 16 pounds that she lost last year, BOO!  Dr. and Megan have a long (read hard) talk about the past year.  Dr. agrees to fill Megan with the condition that she comes back in two months and checks in!  Megan is elated!

July 30, 2013 1:30PM ~ Reality has set in a little for Megan.  She is a little scared.  Megan thinks she fears success, and wonders if she is setting herself up for failure again.  Megan is encouraged that the Dr. thinks that she is good to go, but is frightened at the same time.


Megan is done talking about Megan in the third person.  


So, that's where we are at.  I have been filled to 7CC's, although the Dr wavered at filling me to 8 based on the fluoroscope, he decided to leave it at 7 to start and move up to 8 at the end of September, if needed.  I am on to liquids for a few days, and since I didn't think he would actually do it, I am going to need to do some shopping for liquids, proteins, and soft foods!

Thank you to all who have been so encouraging this past year; it really has meant more than I can say.  I look forward to jumping back into this journey with two feet, and landing on solid ground.

Fine, I did it.

I took a deep breath, picked up the phone, and dialed.  I was nervous.  My heart was beating fast.  The line seemed to ring forever.  They finally answered, "Kane Center for Bariatric Surgery."  I talked fast, anxious to just get the information out before I backed out, chickened out like I have been for the past two months.  The receptionist had a smile in her voice as she asked me to repeat myself.

"I haven't gotten a fill in about 10 months due to some issues, but I think it's time to come back."

"OK, then you will need some bloodwork done, an X-ray to insure the band is still in the right place, and an appointment with the surgeon."

Gulp.  I was hoping to just get an appointment with the physician's assistant so that I could kind of tip-toe back into the process.  But, nope, ain't gonna happen that way.

So, my first appointment back is set for July 30.  At 12:15PM.  This is good, right?  This is good.

It gives me a couple weeks to get back to liquids and soft foods, to come down off my Diet Coke addiction, to get back into the mid-frame that I am doing this not only for myself, but so that I am around a long time for my kids and husband.

So, fine, I will do this.  I will be brave.  I will be strong.  I am sure I will cry and kick and scream, but I will do this.

Right?